I’m Crazy Busy~

Just a quick check in post to let you now I am ok, just crazy busy. The kids started back to school this week and I have been really busy at work~ which doesn’t leave enough time to read and blog. I hate that summer is over~ summer for me is usually less stressful, more time to relax and I seem to have less “things to do”. I am going to miss my beach time~ it truly is my happy place. Winter is dark and depressing and I don’t really care for it.

I haven’t been able to read much for pleasure or recovery material as of late.

Late July and early August I got lazy or complacent and hardly went to any recovery meetings. I noticed the last few weeks I have been more anxious and was starting to isolate. I don’t hear much from “my sponsor” often, honestly maybe every 2 weeks however I don’t really reach out to her either. The meetings I go to usually are not the same as hers. In June she gave me a Step 1 assignment and I did it on my own but we haven’t met back up to go over it. We tried a few times but our schedules don’t met up. I think I need to find a new sponsor. I made a list of things I am looking for in a sponsor and I think its important that we are in the same meeting circle. I see her, she sees me and if I am missing or skipping out she would know….. So this is something I need to do this month~ being almost 6 months sober I should be into more steps I think. Hell, maybe it is me avoiding it~ I think I need a little push.

I have been focusing on eating better (down a few lbs) and been trying to get back to the gym. I actually hired a trainer for 10 sessions and we will meet twice a week starting tomorrow~ this is not going to be pretty! I pretty much have broken my sugar habit and I needed too. I def. replaced sugar and food after taking booze out of my diet. With my addictive personality, I don’t need to replace my alcohol addition with anything else.

I haven’t had any urges to drink or needed to talk myself out of any crazy thoughts- but I have been isolating and wanting to do nothing~ this is not a good combination I know. I’m thankful I have no urges to drink, but I still have times I wish I could just shut my brain down, “relax” and numb out. Last weekend there was some family drama and I was SO SO THANKFUL I was not drinking. I know if I was things would of gotten more out of hand and could of been pretty ugly. I was present and thinking clearly for my family and for myself. The drama did involve drinking and I really wish my boyfriend wasn’t a big drinker. I think it adds more unnecessary stress on my life and others and I have no control over it. That right there, CONTROL is something, I am realizing is a big part of my alcoholic personality. I am uncomfortable when I am not in control, whether it is a good situation or bad. I need to learn to let go and not be in control of everything and relax a bit. However, on the other hand, things that I can’t control that have some negativity in my life, really bothers me and I want to fix it. I guess this is all part of the 12 Step program and how I need to start incorporating it into my life.

This is all part of the journey and will be a slow process but I am willing to let it all go and put it in God’s hands. I know drinking and numbing is not the answer anymore~ it never was.

Thank you for reading and all your support~ you can catch me on twitter, @ sobermommabee. I usually check in there daily~ Have a great weekend.

Momma Bee
Sober Day 171

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6 thoughts on “I’m Crazy Busy~

  1. Summer went by too fast. The personal training sessions sound like such a great idea! Exercise is one of my favorite recovery tools and perfect for heading into fall. I’m excited for you!

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    • Hi momma bee, Great blog! For sure you need a good sponsor that you can talk to on a regular basis and will ask you to do specific things related to the BB, steps, meeting and so forth. Look for someone who has quality time and is actively working her program. You should be the one to call her, not the other way around. Sobriety is something you should want and will go to any lengths to get. A sponsor carries the message, not the alcoholic. Keep working it!
      Don’t be too hard on yourself about the sugar in your first 2 years of sobriety. Would you rather drink alcohol or eat some candy? I was told to always have candy available. The weight will melt off. When you become sober you also become healthier. You are more aware of your health.
      Good luck!

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      • Thanks Dani for the encouraging words~ it means a lot. I think reaching out to talk is my issue and for some reason I have a heard time doing that on the phone~ if I am asked in person I will respond but I don’t think I go to full detail and I need to start doing/working on that. I always thought I was a big talker but I am not~ I am not good with sharing I guess. I will reach out to her today~ thank you for the little push. My friend does have what I want, goes to meetings, has a sponsor and other sponsees. She has been sober for over 5 years. If I don’t start working with her, I need to start working with someone, I am def. ready.

        Thanks again for stopping in and good luck at school~ so awesome!

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  2. MB, so glad you checked in, and are doing well! I did not start step work until 6 months, so don’t stress out about that part, but I think your desire to be in the same “meeting circle” with your sponsor is spot on. So with you on the Fall being a busier time, but once we’re settled let’s scheduled the lunch meeting meet up 🙂

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    • That made me feel good about your steps- lunch Sounds good- I would really like that! I had a good meeting today and met a mom like me- she is struggling w/ a relapse and I gave her my number and it felt good- I really feel grateful and happy where I am.

      Liked by 1 person

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