I feel I am at peace presently… I feel good with my decision to reach out for help and go to AA. Since my first meeting last Monday, I have gone to 5 in the last 10 days. All were on my own except my first one. I really enjoyed all of them. I have participated in two steps, BB’s, and my first speaker meeting. I really like the women’s group I found and I choose them for my home group. They meet twice a week on nights that can fit into my schedule. After a month and attending many different ones, i will make my decision. All the women have been amazing. I went to a meeting this morning before work. It was a bigger one, co-ed and as soon as I walked in a nice woman named PJ smiled and introduced herself. I swear they can smell a newbie when I walk into the room. She introduced me to every woman in the room. I felt a little embarrassed being paraded around and introduced to the other ladies but really it was wonderful. The embarrassment for me is more because of the men in the room. (Who knew “unfamiliar men” made me so insecure) However she just wanted me to feel comfortable and at ease. She gave me the Living Sober book as a gift, at least 5 hugs and kisses in that hour. I walked out with another list of phone numbers from all the women in attendance and PJ encouraged me to give it 90 days/90 meetings and swears I will feel incredible and be in such a better place in my mind and my heart.
The concept of 90 meetings in 90 days really is a great one. If I didn’t have to work, I think I would attemept that challenge. However being a single mom with two kids and working full-time would be really hard for me. Last nights meeting that asked, what lengths would you go for your sobriety? A meeting everyday would be a fabulous start but I just don’t think that is possible for me. However I do plan to go to at least 3 times per week minimum. I do feel really good afterwards. Since I started going I don’t feel anxious or scared about my decision. I feel at peace. I don’t think constantly about never drinking again, or how can I do this forever. Actually I don’t think about it at all anymore. I feel comfortable, safe, confident and proud. I feel like I belong and I am not an outcast. I hate the stigma that many have about AA, hell I carried that stigma around in my own head. it really is ignorance. Not knowing, not understanding. However since I have been attending, I see that it is a great place and the steps/concepts are very helpful. Not just in the addiction circle but the steps can be used in all aspects of ones life, with or without an addiction.
I have homework from my “sponsor” to start some readings in the Step & BB. I will ask J to be my sponsor even if temporary when she returns from vacation. I am looking forward to my new journey.
Thank you for reading & your support.