My stomach is a mess today… I ate way too much dried un-sulfured fruit last night…
I had my first Whole 30 cheat, I licked a tiny bit of peanut butter off my finger last night making kids lunches…. I need to up my water intake too. I am getting in my protein, fruits and veggies.
No wine (or any alcohol) in 8 days. God this feels good. I’m sleeping like a baby and wish I could sleep more.
I was very bitchy this weekend, well more short tempered. I told the kids mommy is cranky please just do what I say. They didnt listen, lol. It’s the constant bickering between the two that really sends me into a tizzy. I wasn’t really emotional this past weekend, I bet that is coming. BF is away until later tonight. He is the one that seems to trigger my emotions when I am not eating sugar or drinking. I haven’t heard from him since he left Friday…. he texted me Saturday a “Good Morning” and I texted the same thing back… that was the last I heard. I told him no need to call all weekend unless an emergency arises, he is away with his buddies. He ticked me off Wednesday and Thursday night and I haven’t even spent time with him since New Years Day. I’m happy I had some alone time this weekend. Our relationship has had so many ups and downs…. its getting kind of old… like my drinking. Since he has been gone, I really had no urges to drink…
I’ve been reading many different blogs and one I have been following is making me question myself….
Why don’t I just do it??? Tell the world, I’m not drinking for ___________ days or I’m not drinking anymore. What is holding me back? What am I afraid of? Failure? Admitting that I don’t have control when I start to drink? I know drinking is not healthy for me and it makes me more depressed. I just recently watched a documentary, Fat, Sick & Nearly Dying. I know alcohol, processed foods, and sugar is no good, especially for me. I watched Biggest Loser last night and made my kids watch it with me. (I have one athletic skinny kid and one video gamer over weight kid.) I want them to learn how hard it is being overweight as a child and how teasing hurts. I was that kid too growing up. I ate for comfort. To this day, I eat for comfort and maybe I drink for comfort too. I know continuous healthy eating and exercise is the answer, I have done it before. I was once over 300 lbs, now I fluctuate around 180.
Do I need Jillian yelling in my face, what’s holding you back? Stop being a baby and making excuses and just do it!
I think the answer lies inside of me and I need help or the courage to find it. The first step is being honest with myself and seeking therapy… I’ve scratched that surface a few times in the last year and it got hard and real and I didn’t want to deal with it. I made up excuses (kids, money, time, work) and cancelled those appointments….
So after these 30 Days, I’m hoping the motivation or light bulb will click on and I will see the light….
Until then, I keep plugging away one day at a time.